Coaching for Life
April 10, 2015So, a few years ago, if you had asked me what I thought someone with a life coach looked like, I’d have described someone very much like this:
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| "I'm chanting as we speak." |
Gullible, weak, easily led. Someone who hands over their money to any kind of lifestyle program, motivational speaker or spiritual leader. Someone who can’t get out of bed without having a lucky colour channelled for them or chanting affirmations about how worthy they are. Someone who needs their behaviours enabled and validated. Someone who has to "activate the goddess within".
As it happens, this is what someone with a coach looks like:
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| "It's TEMT, sweetie. TEMT." |
I know, I was surprised myself when I realised it.
Over the course of my career, I've been lucky enough to work with some pretty top-level humans.
Brilliant, funny, smart, kind, compassionate – so many of my long-term mates are all people I’ve shared an office space with at one time or another. I’ve been at my current place of employment for nine years and the people I’ve worked with have been with me through some pretty awesome life events; engagement, wedding, milestone birthday, pregnancy, birth and return to work after maternity leave.
They’ve also been with me through the “need a nudge in the right direction/kick in the pants/reality check” times and the seriously rough proper counselling and doctor’s appointment times. I've been very lucky to have such a support network and work with what I call "weekend friends"; people who you want to spend time with out of work hours and who are there for you for coffee chats, lunch, cheeky early minutes, outfit photo shoots and endless messaging via the internal communication system.
In terms of more formalised support, one in particular, let's call him "David" (because that's his name) was my official mentor via our company's mentoring program for a few years. Although he's working elsewhere now, we still catch up regularly. Partly because we're weekend friends but also because David is a coaching master.
How does it work?
Although he's had proper formal training, David keeps it at a casual level; it's a conversation, not an appointment. He allows me to bitch and whine and make petulant comments about the issue at hand without judging (and sometimes, even laughing because let's face it, I am hilarious and he's only human) before we get down to solving the problem.
He doesn't tell me what to do. He asks the questions that I then answer and this leads me to understand what I need to do, or what the real issue is, or what I need out of the situation. It's very clever and it gives me total ownership and accountability.
Throw in absolute trust and utmost respect and you have the prime example of a good coach.
Recently, I had a situation where I needed some emergency coaching prior to a "tough conversation" meeting I needed to have that was causing some significant anxiety. Not only did he make himself available for a phone call almost immediately (he's very busy and important, don't you know) but after ten minutes speaking to him, I walked into that meeting with my chin high and head clear and got what I needed with no agitation or stress on my part. Result!
How do you feel about coaching and mentoring? Do you have one - or are you one yourself?
How does it work?
Although he's had proper formal training, David keeps it at a casual level; it's a conversation, not an appointment. He allows me to bitch and whine and make petulant comments about the issue at hand without judging (and sometimes, even laughing because let's face it, I am hilarious and he's only human) before we get down to solving the problem.
He doesn't tell me what to do. He asks the questions that I then answer and this leads me to understand what I need to do, or what the real issue is, or what I need out of the situation. It's very clever and it gives me total ownership and accountability.
Throw in absolute trust and utmost respect and you have the prime example of a good coach.
Recently, I had a situation where I needed some emergency coaching prior to a "tough conversation" meeting I needed to have that was causing some significant anxiety. Not only did he make himself available for a phone call almost immediately (he's very busy and important, don't you know) but after ten minutes speaking to him, I walked into that meeting with my chin high and head clear and got what I needed with no agitation or stress on my part. Result!
How do you feel about coaching and mentoring? Do you have one - or are you one yourself?
10 comments
I have never had a life coach but I can imagine one sure would come in handy at times and I think it is an awesome way to get a little help in life and a fabulous way for someone to help others xx
ReplyDeleteDefinitely is, Sonia. I know for me it could only work with someone I knew really well, liked, trusted and respected. I would find it difficult to be as responsive in a more formal, "professional" or detached setting.
DeleteSounds fantastic.
ReplyDeleteI was always being asked for coffee catch ups with friends that would turn into free 'pick my brain' sessions, a paid service I use to offer clients. I'm at a bit of a cross roads myself at the moment and would dearly love to have someone that I could bounce ideas off and get my thoughts in order.
That would be frustrating! Where do you draw the line between friends catching up and scabbing a freebie. It's hard when your business isn't physically quantifiable; you wouldn't be asked to come and do some free tiling or plumbing yet it's the same thing!
DeleteI have done a lot of formal and informal coaching over the years and was one of the first graduates of the Master of Coaching Psychology at Sydney Uni which was SUCH a fun course. Coaching should always be a conversation and the power is in the questions every time. Sounds like you've got a great coach in David. Love Ab Fab and totally think that some life coaching is pretty Eddie �� x
ReplyDeleteSo true, Ellen. I attended a two day coaching clinic through work and thoroughly enjoyed it. I like to think it's helped me in everyday conversation with people too!
DeleteI have recently studied to become a life coach, and I love it. I have gained so much from being coached myself, and I now love helping guide other women to become the best version of themselves possible (in a non sweetie darling way of course!)
ReplyDeleteSounds great, Melissa! The more keeping it real and less sweetie darling in coaching, the better :)
DeleteIt's so good you have a friend / coach / mentor who can help you like that!
ReplyDeleteWe have a mentoring program in my workplace, and I was thinking about maybe applying to be a mentor for someone, they give you all the training. I'm pretty happy where I am though and don't have any plans to keep moving up (as the management keeps hinting I should) so I'm probably not the best mentor. Something I've been thinking about though and your post made me think of it again so you get a bit of a brain dump in your comments section!
Away From The Blue
Oh you should, Mica! I thought the same initially but was a mentor through our program a few years ago. Having a good variety of people in the mentoring program makes for better matches with the mentees and I think sometimes it's not necessarily about how to advance in your career but to be a general sounding-board and offer different view points to someone. Often, mentors/mentees here are matched outside of the particular role or department. So you might have an engineer mentoring an IT person or an accountant mentoring a drafter. It's good for your own personal professional development too!
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